dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
