Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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