I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
