Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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