You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
