Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
high people should be assigned attendants
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
