I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
farters have to be the big spoon...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
