Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
