it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
