WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
