Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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