You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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