FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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