the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
