she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
