I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
