im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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