last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
