You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You were trust falling into bushes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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