The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
