dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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