she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
