Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
