if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
