her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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