Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
