As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
