I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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