Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
