I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize