i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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