If i come over, it means nothing
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
