Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
