i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
