Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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