Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hippo gnu deer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
