I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
