Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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