I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
