trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
