So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's blow job season.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
