you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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