How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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