Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
