Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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