So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
