you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
