if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
