I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
