You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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