Kiss
Puke
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize