If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
