Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize