I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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