Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
