i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
