you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
