First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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