I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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