i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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