Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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