dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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