i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
