Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
