: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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