I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
