my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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