i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
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