my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
