I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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